i finally decide to sort out my email inbox after realising i have 1764 unread emails.
i come across from an email titled 'blog.co.uk misses you'
i remember that!
i started 'blogging' when things were going tough with my mum
in short :
my mum was an alcoholic since i could remmeber
i have no dad
i have no brothers or sisters
i have no family
i felt so alone it was horrible
hence the 'i am not alone' trying to convince myself i wasnt
i lived on benifits so i was poor and have been since i can remember
but one day the thing i feared the most happened.
saturday 20th october.
i come home from work at bout 3 in the afternoon to find my mum drunk already (as per usual) i was packing ready to go to leeds with my aunty and cousin. i wanted to catch the train home on friday because i had work on saturday and i had only just started so i didnt want to take a day off and they couldnt bring me home til sunday. (i live bout 2 hours away). i didnt see what was wrong with me catching a train because ive done it before but my mum and my aunty would not let me . ok i admit i got a bit of a mardy on because they were treating me like a two year old. so i said i wouldnt go. i was really looking forward to going cause it gives me a break from my mum and i have a really good time, i was really dissapointed so i cried.
thats when my mum started hurling abuse at me. i know it was the drink talking but it still hurt. she said all this hprrible stuff like how im such a delfish bitch and i never think of anyone but myself (she doesnt know bout the time when i sneaked £1o INTO her purse cause she was worried that we would have no money to live on ... i was like 11 years old at the time) and she said all this other horrible stuff. then she tried to ground me. shes tried this before and it didnt work. i txt my friend to come pick me up in her car and she did. i got to her house and my mum rung me telling me to come home. i said i wasnt going to come home yet because i was too wound up. so she said fine never come home again, your bags will be outside the door. so my friend went down in her car and picked them up for me.
i now live at my friends house.
and still living there.
BUT since then my mum has come off the drink. she went cold turkey and has been for a month
i am so proud of her. at the end of the day she is my mum and i love her no matter what.
altho the drink has affected her insides quite bad she is getting better by the day. the drink somehow affected the nerves in her legs so she is unable to walk properly.
i go down and see her a few times a week.
i doubt i will move back even though i want to. i will explain why later.
even though i have made up with my mum, my grandma, grandad, aunty and cousin from leeds think that all of this was my fault and that im a horrible person and hate me. my mum no doubt fed them lies but i dont care because my mum is better and will hopefully get a life now.
i want to tell anyone else who suffers with acoholic parents to give them hope that you can change your life and it wont be your fault.
wow. ive wrote a lot. hope your not bored!
i have loads more stories to tell yet!
the hospital
the bitch
the new [HIM]
stay tuned! 
